All day breakfasts in a tin are the most heinous, offensive and vile food stuffs
that exist. Firstly, I abhor beans. Their smell and texture revolt and repulse me,
leaving me feeling violently sick. Not only do all day breakfasts in a tin contain
beans, but they also, and perhaps more offensively contain sausage, burger,
bacon, lamb cutlet, mushrooms and egg. Why would you put cooked egg in a
tin? More to the point, the percentages of the tin’s content on the back has
given me many sleepless and restless nights. Allegedly, the tins only contain
8% meat but more than half of the contents are supposedly meat. Worrying.
My dislike for all day breakfasts in a tin was perpetuated by an experience I had in
the house that I lived in during my first year of university. Vividly, I remember
coming downstairs, hung-over, into our communal kitchen. My five other
housemates were standing around, drinking tea and chatting about the previous
night. Meanwhile, my housemate from Bolton, in her broad Bolton accent was
struggling to get the all day breakfast out of the tin. She shouted from the corner
of the kitchen where the cooker was, ‘Can’t get ‘t out, it’s stuck, tin’ s farting!’ Due
to the breakfast’s horrendous texture and consistency, it was literally making
slurping noises as it came out of the tin. This was followed by a ghastly smell of
congealed fake meat and beans. Vile!
